One of the most meaningful things we can do for others is to be there for them when they’re hurting. To listen to their stories, hold them as they cry, and sit by them when they don’t have the words to express their pain. Deep relationships are often formed through vulnerability in our trials. To prove this point, I want you to reflect on one of your closest relationships with a friend, family member, significant other, or mentor. Recall memories you’ve shared that solidified how special they are to you. Did one, or many, of those memories consist of them being there for you when you needed them? My guess is they did.
Galatians 6:2 says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Carry means “support and move (someone or something) from one place to another.” So when we carry another’s burdens, we support them as they move through their trials. God commands us to carry each other’s burdens; that’s very clear. What can be unclear at times is how to carry other’s burdens. Truthfully, it looks different for every scenario depending on the person’s needs. Sometimes, people need us to sit in their well with them (watch this video by Brene Brown to understand what sitting in someone’s well means). Other times, people need encouragement to hear that they can get through whatever they face. An excellent reference for knowing how to carry people’s burdens well is John Townsend’s relational nutrients. Now, let’s read the three verses that follow verse two to gain more context. Galatians 6: 3-5 says: “3. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5. for each one should carry their own load.“
Since verses three and four are often taken literally, they may seem out of place in the context of how to care for others. However, they are actually perfectly placed. I interpret verse four as saying that each person should test their own actions, meaning we should evaluate our actions in coming alongside others. First, we should determine if we are caring for others with Biblical truth and emotional intelligence. Then, we should consider our motives for helping others to see if we are genuinely helping because we want to meet their needs or because we are assisting them to meet our needs, more specifically, our unmet needs, in some way. Saying that we should take pride in ourselves without comparing ourselves to others means that we should only look at how God is using us to support those in our lives and not compare to how He’s using others. Comparison, in any form, but particularly in this context, causes harm because by longing for gifts others have, we hinder ourselves from using the gifts God intentionally gave us to come alongside others. Tying in verse three, which says that we deceive ourselves when we think we are something we aren’t, refers to thinking we can be people’s saviors. Our human capabilities are limited in that we do not have the power to save people, yet sometimes we make it our responsibility. We can and should be used as God’s vessels to bring healing to others, but we cannot save others, and by thinking we can, we are thinking too highly of our capabilities.
It is interesting that only a few verses down from verse two in verse five, Paul says that everyone should carry their own load. Doesn’t that contradict the command to carry each other’s burdens? No, it doesn’t because we are called to carry each other’s burdens. Not take them. There’s a big difference. When we carry another’s burdens, we are coming alongside them in their pain, extending the love of Jesus to them, and being a light in their darkness. When we take another’s burdens on as our own, not only are we placing undue stress on ourselves, but we are taking their load that, according to Galatians 6:5, they are required to carry. Due to this, setting internal boundaries is critical for us and the people we care for. In his and Dr. John Townsend’s book “Boundaries,” Dr. Henry Cloud defines boundaries as “knowing where we end and someone else begins.” To carry other’s burdens well, we must know where our experience ends and theirs begins. If we don’t, then we will take on their pain that is meant for them to carry and is ultimately their responsibility to heal.
How do you know when you’re carrying people’s burdens versus taking them? The easiest way to tell the difference is if you cannot shake other’s stories or feelings you felt in your interaction after you leave them. For example, I worked in a group home for foster youth in my early twenties. I starkly realized in that job that I did not have the internal boundaries I needed to separate my experiences from others, so I often took their burdens home with me. Thinking about their stories kept me awake at night, as I would continue feeling their anger and sadness long after leaving my shifts. Upon reflection, the most challenging part for me was differentiating whether my feelings were mine or theirs. I did not have the self-awareness to always tell the difference, which is one of the many reasons self-awareness is so essential for us to obtain. I also noticed that praying for them didn’t help me to stop feeling their pain like it should have. Another sign of taking versus carrying burdens is when we pray without feeling some level of peace, knowing that we’ve given them to God. To be clear, it doesn’t mean that our heart shouldn’t be heavy for others’ pain; it just shouldn’t be heavy to the point that it gets in the way of our ability to recognize our feelings.
In Pastor Josiah Silva’s recent podcast “Don’t Fight the Stretch,” Pastor Larry Brey said, “People don’t walk away because they don’t care; they walk away because they don’t know how to carry.” He referred to ministry as the thing people walk away from, which mainly consists of carrying other’s burdens. His words encompass my reasoning for creating this post because I believe that as followers of Christ, we should be the best at carrying people’s burdens. We should be the model for the world to look to since we have the love of Jesus and the fruits of the Spirit. To be the best, we must extend compassion like Jesus did on earth AND establish the necessary internal boundaries to carry other’s burdens long-term. Fortunately, we have the Holy Spirit to guide us through this process.
For anyone reading this who wants to improve their ability to care well for others, I encourage you to ask God what steps He wants you to take in that journey. Pray Psalm 139:23 over yourself and listen to what He tells you when He searches your heart. One of the many things I’ve learned so far while studying to be a counselor is that the better we know ourselves, the better we can be there for others in their pain.