A few months ago, I was having a deep conversation with a cherished friend about our painful experiences. We had already shared the details of our traumas before, so we were sharing how we feel they have shaped us as individuals after going through them. We talked about the pain they caused us and how difficult it was, and still is, to face those memories to heal from them. However, we also talked about the emotional depth that came from them. How our trials gave us a richer appreciation for the good in this world and a deeper compassion for others. How surviving such difficult circumstances created a beauty inside of us that didn’t make sense. Because how can beauty come from pain? It defies logic. Yet the best way we could describe the aftermath of how our hardest moments shaped us was “painfully beautiful.”
After our conversation ended, I continued to reflect on what it means to feel “painfully beautiful” as a result of trauma. The painful part is evident because trauma is painful, but the beautiful part is perplexing. How does beauty come from pain? Then I thought of sea glass. If you look up sea glass, you will notice that it is very beautiful. So much so that people often collect sea glass and turn it into jewelry. But what you may not know about sea glass is how it is formed. Sea glass is broken glass that has been discarded into the ocean. It smooths out over time after being jostled in the waves and tousled in the sand. Sea glass is literally transformed into a beautiful piece of glass as a direct result of being swept up in turbulent waves, buried in sand, and hit by rocks. Do you see the resemblance to how beauty can come from pain? I definitely do because, like sea glass, we are capable of coming out of traumatic experiences with a newfound beauty that didn’t exist before.
If you look at pictures of sea glass, you will also notice that it is not perfect. Some pieces have ridges, dents, and scars from being jostled in the waves. But they are still considered beautiful. So are you. Any physical or emotional scars from your trauma do not take away from your beauty. They actually do the opposite and add to it because they represent your resilience. While you might look at them with disdain because of the painful memories they bring up for you, those who truly know and love you see them as beautiful. Like sea glass, your scars make you unique and add to your character. I know this can be difficult, but I encourage you to look at them with appreciation. Honor your scars for what they have been through by speaking kindly to them. Instead of just being reminders of your pain, let them also be reminders of your strength. Let them be reminders of the fact that you survived the unimaginable.
Sea glass is also rare since not every piece of glass that gets thrown into the ocean turns into sea glass. Many pieces of glass that go through that kind of impact break. And honestly, I don’t blame them for breaking. The impact was too much for them. We can also metaphorically “break” after going through a trauma. Trauma, by definition, causes such intense emotional distress that it overwhelms our brain’s capacity to process it. The event is too much for us. Our brains and bodies don’t know how to cope with it at first. I say all this to validate that if you have felt at one point, or even feel right now, that your trauma broke you, that it is normal to feel that way. But you don’t have to feel broken forever. Hope and healing are available to you if you let God into your pain and seek help, perhaps from a therapist and people you trust. The difference between us and glass is that glass can permanently break, and we cannot. So, if you don’t feel like sea glass yet, maybe you’re still being tossed in the ocean. Keep going, and one day, you’ll become a refined and beautiful piece of sea glass. And if you feel like sea glass already, I am proud of you for all the unseen battles and tears it took to get to this point. Your pain makes you more beautiful.